Bring your ID

I take my ID everywhere I go – mainly because I always carry my purse – I just feel naked without it and all my crap. I don’t yet have an entourage so I just have to make sure I have a lot of shit to follow me around – that’s my rationale at least – HA! Laugh… I’m not that shallow… that was funny, please laugh.

My sister (23)and my mother (50)apparently don’t have the same feeling about their belongings… they never ever never bring their id’s or purses or debit cards or anything with them if they go out. They don’t feel the need, but I say, what if you’re in a horrible accident and you are not immediately recognizable – then potentially if you have your ID on you, it might be easier to contact your “next of kin” or something - assuming it survived the firey hot mess. I know it’s morbid sorta but these are the things I think about!
I guess it normally proves to be in their advantage because I can’t remember the last time either of them picked up the tab when they were out with me…. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm? Note to self – free beer may be better than being recognized after a fiery crash.

TOPIC CHECK (who hasn’t taken her drugs today) – so we went to dinner as a “family” a while back, my dad orders a bottle of wine for the table. The snarky little hippie waitress demands to see everyone’s ID – uh oh – this WILL NOT END WELL! Feisty mom retorts back with “really, no you don’t” waitstaff disliking father pops off that well he will just vouch for my sister – I immediately crawl under the table and enter the fetal position, but I left my ID on the table – I figured I’d need that wine super soon! Well the shithead waitress says that NO ONE drinks until she sees EACH ID – really? Power trip much? I have my ID – I’m legal – give me my f-ing drink! Crying sister feins alcoholism and is escorted back to the house to reclaim her ID (if she can find it…) and …………… it gets better! Hold on tight!

Scene: me, mom and our good buddy silencio sitting at a table in an Italian restaurant – yeah the song goes a bottle of red a bottle of white – what’s missing from the equation? My f-ing drink!
ME: “She’s gonna check your ID.”
Mother: “NO, she’s not!” emphatically and might I mention loud.
Waitress: “YES, I am” oh she shouted across the room… I can feel my teeth grinding down to my gums…I text my sister to ensure she also grabs my mothers purse…
Father and sister return with both ID’s – wine arrives, W checks “the ladies” ID’s – then GRAVE mistake, she does not even check for my dad’s ID – my mother gets up, dislodges his ID, chases W down and slaps it on the counter… CHECK THAT BITCH!

I started praying a novena that there might only be one bodily fluid in our food and not multiple….